MAKE US LAUGH!!!
The WINNERS

The Truth About Teachers
Poems by Paul Cookson, David Harmer,
Brian Moses and Roger Stevens
Published by Macmillan Children's Books
Do you ever worry about what goes on inside your teacher's head? Then these poems are for you! Find out exactly what - if anything - makes them tick (besides marking your homework).
For more information or to buy book click here

Here are the winners. Well done!!!
You made us laugh!
(Your prize should arrive in the next two weeks. If it doesn't, please let us know at the usual address.)

Jack by Harvey Macdonald (aged 10)

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack - stop eating the candle stick!

Stuff I Want by Maya Gouw (aged 10)

My hardrive. (All my anime poems, movies and everything!)
This computer all to myself. (No sharing.)
To download whatever I want. (Come on, it's 320 giga!)
The respect I deserve. (I am a brilliant person.)
Money. (What?)
Hugs. (You know you need it.)
Red lobsters. (I'm not on a diet anymore.)
Attention. (I'll let you know I'm still 2.)
Freedom. (I never get to do anything.)
Not kisses. (They make me smell bad.)
A shaving thing. (I'm hairier than my brother who's 6 years older than me.)
Anything that has to do with anime. (Makes me feel at home.)
Soda. (I haven't had any for 3 years!)
A cat. (American shorthair. You know they're cute. And you can't resist.)
A dog. (If I can't get a kitty. The cute ones.)
Manga. (Reading them online just doesn't do.)
Liposuction. (Just kidding…)
A certain guy or two. (Who doesn't exist.)
An immediate asthma cure. (I don't like being humiliated in the mile.)
New headphones. (Mine don't work and I can't share with 3 people.)
And now as I look around the room, I want a new list. (This one is out of date.)

Teachers with a Twist by Tayla Kenyon (aged 10)

As I went to school one day
I noticed something weird,
My teacher's cat, overnight
Had somehow grown a beard

That was not the only thing
That made me use my head,
I looked over at the fish tank
To see the fish had bred!

Our last lesson had finished
And it was the end of school,
I peered over at a piece of paper
That read nine hours at the mall.

I knew my teacher was hiding something
And my hope of finding it was dropping,
Then finally it came to me
My teacher just LOVED…
SHOPPING!

My Mad Day by Erin Courtney and Natasha Jones (aged 11)

I woke up this morning
My nose was all green
It was the weirdest thing
I had ever seen

I went outside
And saw a frog
He was eating
A purple log

I went inside
To see my mum
She was eating
A bottle of rum

I went to the shop
To buy some nose cream
I looked out of the window
And saw a green bream

I went outside
And saw a spaceship
All of a sudden
Out popped my big lip

A Mechanical World by Hannah (aged 11)
To the tune of "What A Wonderful World"

I see "Wheel of Fortune", "American Idol" too,
I see the ads, for me and you,
And I think to myself, what a mechanical world.

I see screens of blue, TV snow of white,
The bright patterns flash, so does the florescent light,
And I think to myself, what a mechanical world.

I see friends shakin' hands sayin', "How do you do,"
They're really sayin', "Did you see that too?"

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow,
They'll watch much more than I'll ever know.
And I think to myself, what a mechanical world.
Oh yes, I think to myself, what a mechanical world.

My Sister by Katie Kirsch (aged 12)

We fight, okay, so I admit
We don't always get along.
But let me show you why:

Let's just say I need the tape
And she knows where it is.
I'll ask her, Lexie, where's the tape?
And she'll say, over there,
Pointing in a general direction.

Over here? No, over there.
Where over there? Over there.

Lexie, be specific please!
I just need to find the tape.
Well, I told you, it's over there.
Thanks a lot Lexie.
No problem!

She makes me mad and thinks it's funny
But, really, it's not!
It annoys me all the time
And if you don't have an annoying sibling,
You're not missing out on a lot.

Open Casting Call Diva by Katherine B.

I am here to sing today
Oh wait till you hear me go
I've got the finest vocal chords
I've been the lead in every show

You've never heard a voice like mine
I'm telling you the truth
If you don't believe me, look at my resume
All that impressive stuff is proof

The critics just adore me
They scream "Bravo Bravo!"
People pay millions to hear me sing
(And I'm worth that and more you know)

So let's skip this "audition" part
We all know I've got it in the bag
I mean, really it's a waste of time
And frankly, a bit of a drag

What's that? You need to hear me sing?
Well I'm overjoyed! Thrilled! Zealous!
But I'm afraid; I can't, for your own benefit
It will just make you so very jealous

Hula Hooping by Violet Macdonald (aged 13)

My little brother hula hoops,
He hula hoops all day,
He hula hoops before sun's up,
And after it's away.

My little brother hula hoops,
Around his every limb,
But suddenly I realise that,
His hula's hooping him.

There's Good in Everybody by Celina Macdonald (age 15)

His face bright red
His teeth quite yellow
He speaks in a
Harsh scratchy bellow;
Wears a singlet
The colour of grout
With holes through which
His flesh bulges out.
He tells you off
Just 'coz you're breathing
And people smiling
Will leave him seething.
He wears no shoes
As he strolls the street
I won't begin
To describe his feet;
But there is one thing
'Bout him that's likeable
'Coz next to him
I look delightful.

Sore Throat by Mak (aged 16)

Brain (judge):
You're accused of killing the pain
What happened, are you insane?

Aspirin:
No sir, I didn't mean to do that
Pain was just a spoiled brat

Stomach:
Sir I have to defend my client
Pain was just an ugly giant

Tongue:
Sir I tasted the whole thing by my eyes
Aspirin was a 500 mg size

Throat:
Sir indeed I have to confess
Before Aspirin I was in such a mess
But it wasn't the pain, it wasn't his fault
Aspirin didn't think before the assault!

Brain:
Aspirin, your effort was so lame
We don't have anyone but you to blame
Everything is clear now, I have no doubt
I'll send you to the kidneys to sort you out!

Back to the top, please, teacher!