A LAUGH FROM THE PAST

Well done everyone who entered the Historical Poems

Competition. We had some really rib-tickling and gruesome entries.

The winners all receive a copy of Vikings Don't Wear Pants by Roger Stevens and Celia Warren.

Winners 7 - 11 ................ Winners - Teenage

WINNERS 7 - 11 Age Group

FIRST PRIZE

Marcus the Gladiator by Freddie Dawson (aged 8)

I am Marcus the Gladiator
Fighter in the extreme
I wanted to play for Manchester Utd
But they wouldn't let me on the team
So now I play for Caesar
Who's a right awesome geezer

He goes on tour
And fights a war
To make his Empire bigger

My sword is called Gladus
I have a wicked shield
I haven't named it though
Because it just lies in the field
I drew my sword with joy and glee
And strike the Thracion and watch him flee

The crowd roars loud
My mum’s so proud
I am so bold
Although I'm only 8 years old

I'm Marcus the Gladiator
Fighter, in my dreams.

Second Prize

You Wouldn't Want to Be a Roman Gladiator

by Robert Charles Edward Slater

You are a slave until you are sold

to the owner of a Gladiator school
HELP!!
Your food is disgusting (oat porridge and ash pudding)

and you must eat it, no matter what.
You train hard all day you sweat all the time
YUK!!
Soon your big fight comes

The Emperor is watching

You are a Thracian

and your opponent a Retiarius

You hope to win your freedom,

but first you fight!!

Third Prize

Stupid Sparks by Lydia Ankrom (aged 11)

Oh, I wonder, I wonder, how in the heck,
We're so much more stupid than those old Aztecs.
Before we were born, they had indoor plumbing,
Now all we do is practice our dumbing!
Back in those days they had big brains,
Who knows? The might have made aeroplanes.
Doesn't it make you stop and think?
Doesn't it make you feel like such a chink?
I wonder, I wonder, how in the heck,
We're so much more stupid then those old Aztecs.

RUNNERS UP!!!!!!!

(No prizes - but worth a mention)

Romans by Abi Southworth

The Romans lived along time ago,
They came from Rome to Britain.

They were very brave,
And had swords, spears and daggers.
Their armour was very hard and stiff,
But it was difficult to walk in.

Their enemies the Celts were not so well prepared,
They wore tops with a belt and skirt,
Which looked like a dressing gown.
And stood no chance against the mighty Romans!

Gladiator Guss by Richard Hinchcliffe

This is a story,
About something gory.
Without a fuss,
Gladiator Guss,
Walked into the arena
Then hailed to Caesar.
He ate loads of ash,
Then he got a rash.
The battle is about to begin,
Will Guss win?
He hurled his sword,
And the crowd roared.
He threw his spear,
Which stabbed the other guy's ear.
He falls to the ground,
Then no sound.
HE'S WON !!!!!!

TEENAGE WINNERS

FIRST PRIZE

Dream of the Druids by Tom Wilson

In the midst of the deepest sleep,
Priests of nature I did meet.
The strangest music I came to hear,
Strange as it all was I felt no fear.

I was sent the Knowledge of an ancient time,
In everything I was able to read a sign.

They taught me how to read the messages in the sky,
They taught me how to make my soul fly.
They taught me how to see the far off hidden world,
Through the ancient legends of the Celts I was hurled.

I peacefully conversed with the spirits in the trees,
Spoke with the deities in Avalon from across the seas.

The sky gods whispered to me the future,
The earth and clouds acted as my tutor.
I learnt all of the healing chants,
I learnt what makes the seasons dance.

From the past the druids had spoken,
Something deep inside they had awoken.

SECOND PRIZE

The Trial of King Henry Vlll by Nicole Anne Braganza

The beefeaters heard the shrieks of terror,
The crime had already been done.
The suspect was called for the trial,
King Henry the Eighth was the one.
The King marched up with pomp and pride
So as to clinch his glory,
With never the blink of an eyelid
He then related the story:
Quoth he, "The victim was Anne Bolyn,
My hundred and ninetieth wife.
By my sword, and by my own will,
I took away her life"
Pray what was the motive? the magistrate asked
She’d a crooked nose, said he,
And she did not possess, the royal finesse,
Thus her head was chopped off, instantly.
The verdict - NOT GUILTY, the judge said,
The accused may make merry and dine,
The reason for that? Ah yes, spoke the judge:
To err is human, to forgive, divine.

THIRD PRIZE

King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table

by Suchaita Tenneti

Through the rocky hills and the lush green plains
Through sleet and snow and sun and rain
Through the dense forests and mountains so tall
Through the blooming valleys and the tranquil waterfalls

They rode on and on.

They would ride through the forests to hunt down villains and thieves
And to destroy fire-breathing dragons that resided in gloomy caves.
They fought battles and wars and duelled all day
To impress the ladies of the court in their own special way.

By day they would hunt deer and rescue damsels in distress
Then they would drink splendid wine to recover from the stress.
They would ride through the villages assisting peasants in trouble
By showering them with coins of gold and silver.

And as dusk fell over the English countryside
And cheers of the delighted folks filled the evening air,
The knights would return to the majestic castle in the distance.
Their flags would fly through the air and their horses’ hooves

would echo through the night.

At the Round Table they would sit with King Arthur at the head.
On rose-red turkey and intoxicating wine they would dine
And discuss the affairs of the state-of taxes

and livelihood and of every citizen - each and everyone
Until the day was finally done.

So this was a day in the life of a knight, which immortalized him forever and ever.
And even though King Arthur and his knights have long since vanished,

their spirits still remain.
Still, they say, at dusk each day, the knights return to the desolate castle
Their flags flying through the air and the sound of their horses’ hooves echoing through the night.

Our six winners all receive...

Vikings Don't Wear Pants (King's England Press)
Roger Stevens and Celia Warren
Illustrated by Michael Leigh

The poetry book that puts the fun back into History! Find out why you should never swim in the moat, how Henry the Eighth went to bed and why teeth used to catch fire. The smells, the nasty bits, and all things horrid from times long past are brought you in this tasty volume of verse.

To some a visit to the loo
Is simply to get rid of waste
But to doctors in Ancient Rome
This was not the case
They believed that in testing urine
The cause of your ills could be traced
So they checked the smell and the colour
But most of all the taste.

Yeeeeuuuuuchhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

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