It's a dog's life with
Jane Clarke

Welcome to our interview with Jane Clarke. Just for a change we asked Jane's dogs, Amber and Bramble, to interview Jane on our behalf.

Amber: Who is top dog in our house?
Jane: I am, followed by the boys, so get off the settee, both of you.

Bramble: How many dogs have owned you?
Quite a few. I've been owned by dogs ever since I was a little girl. I've been owned by cats, mice, guinea pigs, hamsters, rabbits, chickens, stick insects, and a snake, too.

Amber: How do you earn enough money to buy us dogfood?
By working part time in the library at Antwerp International School, and visiting other schools as a children's poet. Occasionally, I get paid for writing a poem or a book. If you'd care to 'paws' for a moment, they're on my website www.jane-clarke.co.uk

Bramble: Do you like to crunch up ballpoint pens as much as we do?
So that's why I can never find a pen to write with and there are splodges of ink all over the settee! Drop! Yeuch, it's all slobbery. Down!

Amber: Would you tell us that poem about the naughty dog? About how you tell him one thing and he hears something different?
Okay.

How Bad Dog Hears What You Say

Come here!
Twitch an ear.
Time for a walk!
Jump and cavort.
Get down!
Yap and clown.
Be quiet!
Bark and riot.
Sit and stay!
Run away.
Don't roll in that!
Squash it flat.
You reek!
Lovely fragrance. Is it sheep?
Bath time!
Hide and whine.
Don't bite the towel!
Shake it and growl.
Ugh! Your breath makes me feel sick!
Cover me in sloppy licks.
Who ate that cold chicken leg?
Look innocent. Be cute and beg.
Leave the neighbour's cat alone!
Chase that cat! Protect our home!
Bad dog! Bed! Get out of my sight!
Sweet dreams, good dog. Nighty night.

Amber: We're not like that are we?
Of course not.

Bramble: Do you get inspiration from sniffing humans' bottoms?
Er... no. Most of my ideas come from the boys and what they get up to and from kids at school.

Amber: What makes your tail wag?
Discovering that a poem or a story I'm writing is going to work. My tail wags even harder if someone decides to publish it.

Bramble: What makes you wiggle from nose to tail with glee?
Sharing a daft joke with my family and friends, and watching you two have a mad minute chasing your tails around in circles.

Amber: Will you tell us another poem?
Okay.

Dressing Up

When I dress up,
I always feel
just like a Queen
in Mum's high heels.

I want to look
my Queenly best,
so I'll put on
Mum's new long dress.

Crown jewels next.
Now let me see….
Where does Mum keep
her jewellery?

On royal lips
the Queen then slicks
a nice thick layer
of Mum's lipstick.

Uh-uh! Here's Mum!
I fear the worst.
The Queen forgot
to ask her first.

Bramble: What makes you barking mad?
You dogs crunching up my pens (grrrrrrrr), sucking dirty underwear, and bouncing on my bed after you've rolled in manure. What's that smell? Get off the settee, will you?

Amber: Why do your ears droop sometimes?
My ears droop when I miss the boys' dad, my husband Martin, who died suddenly and much too soon. And when I see anyone hurting, my ears droop for them and with them. But I try not to let them droop for long. It's no good going round with your ears all droopy, is it?

Bramble: What makes you drool?
Dark (very dark) chocolate. It's bad for dogs. Stop looking at me like that. You can't have any. Not even if you get off the settee.

Amber: Do you let sleeping dogs lie?
No, I wake them up and make them tell me the truth. Have you been sleeping on this settee all night?

Amber: No, it was Bramble.

Bramble: No it wasn't. It was Amber.

Amber: Isn't it time we took you on a walk?
Okay, walkies!

Don't chase that cat!

Heel!

Stop pulling!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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