There
was a young poet from...
Yes
- it's the all-new laugh-a-minute
LIMERICK
COMPETITION
WINNERS
Three
limerick writers each win a copy of...
Dancing
With Frankenstein
and other limericks
by Robert Scotellaro
Illustrated
by Jessie Gillick (Hands Up Books)
Here
are over fifty of the silliest limericks you're ever likely to read!
In Dancing
With Frankenstein Robert Scotellaro has concocted a collection of
cock-eyed and cuckoo characters of all kinds. Meet the miserly Cyclops,
an ice-skating millipede, the knight with the magnetic attraction
and many, many more.
All
Mixed Up by Robert Scotellaro
Once
a mermaid quite riddled with doubt
Used to sit on the rocks and would pout.
For she half loved a sailor
Named Augustus P. Taylor
But her other half fancied a trout
Read
the new interview with Robert in the Interview Section
We
had a huge, mega-massive, gigantic e-bag for this competition and
so we can't print them all - sorry. But thank you for entering and
well done if you won a prize or were a runner-up. Hands
Up Books judged the competition and enjoyed it very much.
Why not order Dancing With Frankenstein
from your bookshop or buy it on amazon?
Winners......
Runners-up...... Best
of the Rest
WINNERS
A
New Life by Lindsey Saunders
(aged 17)
There once was a zebra
named Lou,
Who hated to live at the zoo.
He moved to the outback,
and bought a big pouch pack.
Now he's the first striped kangaroo!
The Deadly Socks by Mark Collett
(aged 9)
There was a young boy called Frank
Whose socks smelt rather rank
The socks were so smelly
Mum quivered like jelly
And locked them away in the bank
Dragon by Michael Lawrenson
(aged 8)
There once was a big fierce dragon
Who lived in a broken wagon
He destroyed half the town
He stole the king's crown
And then got drunk in a tavern
RUNNERS-UP
(No prize - but give yourself a huge pat on
the back!)
Helas
! Ce monsieur ! by Nicole Braganza
(aged 17)
There once lived a man,
Jose Blane
Who came to Paris from Spain
As he jumped in the river
The Frenchmen near quivered
"Helas! Ce monsieur" -"In Seine" !
The
Dog of York by Anya Sun Corke
(aged 13)
There once was a dog
of York,
who squawked and screeched like a hawk.
A disapproving bird passing by
exclaimed, "Excuse me! But why -
do you assume such inappropriate talk?"
Young
Jack by William Burton (aged
8)
Young Jack considered
himself good
At being the next Robin Hood
No one was to know
When they gave him the bow
That he'd fire himself straight at the wood
Mandy
by Jack Harris (aged 8)
There once was a girl
called Mandy,
Whose legs where incredibly bandy.
They could stretch to her head,
While tucked up in her bed,
While she was reading the Dandy
Dave
by David Williams
There was a young boy
called Dave
Who thought he could be very brave
Just for a lark
He swam with a shark
But got scared and hid in a cave
Santa's
Chimney Story
by Alexander Evans and Jonathan
Cocks (both 8)
Santa climbed up the
chimney stack
Sweeping the dust off his back
But then he fell down
Hurt his bum on the ground
And had to climb all the way back.
Robin
and Dobbin by Matthew Marchant
(aged 9)
There once was a boy
called Robin
Who had a horse called Dobbin
After he ate his main course
He fell off his horse
And ended up smashing his gob in.
Diet
Limerick by Kerry Hilton (aged
13)
There was a young poet
from Leeds
Who liked to grow and eat weeds
He ate them with beer
And got diahorrea
So he's changing his diet to seeds
Snow
White by Kerry Hilton (aged 13)
There was a young poet
called Snow White
Who ate a bad apple and died
The Prince kissed her lips
She spat out the pips
And the Queen and the seven dwarfs cried
A
Bloke's Smoke by Sarah-Lynn Robinson
(aged 12)
There once was
a happy young bloke.
One day he tried his first smoke.
To begin he was keen,
Sucked it in, turned bright green,
And fell to the ground as he choked!
Jumper
by Robert Altomare
There was a
young man from Hove
who burnt his bum on a stove.
He jumped up so high
That he swallowed a fly
And the whole of his head turned mauve.
BEST
OF THE REST
McShelley
by Lauren Brimson
There once was
a man called McShelley
Who had a big bottle bank belly
And his elephant bum
Was as big as the sun
And his nose stuck out like his belly
The
Young Lady of York by Anya Sun Corke (aged 13)
There once was
a young lady of York,
who one day ate five barrels of pork.
She consumed them salted and raw,
then said, "Give me more!"
That corpulent young lady of York.
Aw
Nuts!!! by Lindsey Saunders (aged 17)
There once was
a squirrel named Nutter,
Whose two big front teeth made him stutter,
He tried to buy jam,
But instead was sold ham,
So he ate it with his peanut butter.
Mary the Milkmaid by Hannah Birch (aged
10)
There was once
was a milk maid called Mary,
Who was overwhelmingly hairy,
She was mistaken for an ape,
And had to escape,
Then quit her job at the dairy!
My Dad by James
B & Owen L
There was a
tall man called Paul
Who everyone thought should be small
He wore shorts just for fun
In the rain and the sun
And he never did bother at all.
Limerick
by Elizabeth. D and Alex. H
My teacher was
called Miss Lynn
and my friend made her sit on a pin
she was very cross
with the boy called Ross
so she gave him a punch on the chin.
Clumsy
Ted by Rhea Sarwal (aged 9)
There was a
clumsy man called Ted,
Who was always bumping his head,
"I'm not getting up!
Until I win the cup!
I will stay here until I am dead!"
Mrs Maszoo by Ruth Suter (aged 9)
There was a
mad lady called Mrs Mazoo
For her dinner she ate her fluffy shoe
And when she was ill
She called the old bill
But then she got stuck in the loo
The Wiggleywoo by
Saffronn Fernando-Eversley (aged 11)
There once was a wiggleywoo,
Who lived in a red-tattered shoe.
It made it quite nice,
With lemon and rice .
That queer old wiggleywoo.
Molly the Frog by Chelsea Trew (aged
7)
There once was
a green frog,
Who sat on a dirty log,
She fell in the water,
Got saved by her daughter,
And went for a little lie down on the uggy log.
The
Dog Log by Akash Bharadia (aged 9)
There once was
a boy called Andrew,
Whose face went all white, black and blue.
He crawled in a log
And met a brown dog,
And guess what? His name's Scooby Doo.
Sue
by Cypress (aged 11)
There once was a girl named Sue
Who liked to play the kazoo
She plays tunes day and night
She's not that bright
Oh that not so very bright Sue
The Big Cat by Georgina Barwick (aged
11)
There was a
big cat from Norway
That got stuck in a very small doorway,
The cat would not budge,
'Cos it ate too much fudge
And was forever stuck in that doorway.
The
Shark From The East by Will Harrison (aged 11)
There once was a shark from the East
Who wanted nothing but peace
He was nice to the fish
And his friends went, "tisk tisk"
Out of favourites he was the least.
The Lion by Rebecca Corbett (aged 11)
There once was a lion from France
Who liked to leap and dance,
He saw Robin Hood
And thought he was good
So that was the lion from France
David Beckham by Frank Lawley (aged
10)
There once was a Man called Becks
Who went round saying, Respect!
His flab got him stuck in the drain
He cried and shouted in pain
And then shouted, "Oh heck"
Lilly
the Cat by Katherine (aged 13)
Lilly the very silly cat
Loves and loves to purr
She sits on her bum
And basks in the sun
And licks clean her black velvety fur
Silly Lilly decided
To try a nice swim in the sea
So she jumped in a pond
Although of water she wasn't fond
And a cat fish became she
When she emerged
From the blue wet
A sneeze came from her nose
And cold were her toes
And Silly Lilly began to fret
She cried out,
"Oh what, oh what shall I do?"
And she ran quickly home
To be all alone
For she feared she had a case of the flu
And when my little silly Lilly
Came home to me
I scolded her so
And kissed her toe
But told her to never again go swim in the sea
Then silly Lilly said she liked
to swim as I set down her food dish
For while she hated the wet
And her cold made her fret
It was the best place to find some yummy fish
The
Witch and Her Fat Cat by Carla Bruun (aged 11)
There was a
young witch called Nat
Whose cat was unusually fat
She cooked up a stew
The cat in she threw
And vomited it into her hat
Fish in a Dish by Aditi Minocha (aged
7)
I once had a
pet fish,
Named Sweet Kishmish,
She jumped from her bowl,
To see the world as a whole,
But then became our evening dish.
Bee
Fast by Aditi Minocha (aged 7)
A fairy sitting
on a flower,
Was waiting for over an hour,
For a bee,
Who lived in a tall tree,
And said "I was trying to fly fast you see,
But I ran totally out of power."
There
Was An Old Lady of Bath by Emily Burton
There was an old lady of Bath,
Who decided to lay a new path,
For she said it was nice,
But it was covered in mice,
That silly old lady of Bath,
There
Was An Old Man of Down-Under by Daniel Richardson
There was a
man from down-under,
Who had a lot of plunder,
He kept silver and gold,
And was very bald,
That crazy old man of down-under!
There
Was a Young Lady of Bath by Rosie Shewell (aged 10)
There was a
young lady of Bath.
Who would love to sleep on a caff.
For she said, "Get off my bed."
Before I tread on your head.
That silly old lady of Bath
There Was a Young Girl of France by
Megan Kerton (aged 11)
There was a
young girl of France
Who lost her brother's underpants
For she said to her mother
I can find not another
That little untidy girl of France
There
Was a Man Who Got Bored by Jake Christopher Plant
There was a
man who got bored
Then pulled out his World War 2 sword
Who really scared a child
And was thought of mild
And now he is Birmingham's lord
There
Was An Old Man of Hereford by Teejay Townsend (aged 11)
There was a
old man from Hereford
Who spent all his time in Bedford
He asked, Where's the Bed?
Someone said, The Bed's dead
That silly old man of Hereford
There Was a Young Pony of France by
Rebecca Cameron (aged 11)
There was a
young pony of France,
Who liked to eat lots of black ants,
For he said, "Ants taste nice"
"They taste like yummy rice"
That silly young pony of France!
There Was An Old Lady From Spain by Becky Hammond (aged 10)
There was an
old lady from Spain
Who everyone said was a pain
She said there was a ghost
Who was eating her toast
That funny old lady from Spain
Frank
by Michal Chomin-Bethell (aged 11)
There was a
man called Frank
Who went to the water tank
He walked on the farm
And broke his arm
And that was the end of old Frank.
Dick
by Christopher John Milner
There was man
called Dick
Who was extremely thick
He blew up his bed
And swallowed his head
And that was the end of poor Dick
Conclusions
by Aimee Hoffman
Conclusions,
conclusions, conclusions
Maybe they are just illusions
They sometimes mend it
And also end it
But can cause a lot of confusion
The
Girl From Parr by Lucy Jane Kilshaw (aged 10)
There was a
young girl from Parr
Who had a very posh car
She drove it the wrong way
And crashed it that day
Oh that poor girl from Parr
The
Bear by Lisa Hutchby (16)
There once was
a bear at a fair.
Who bought lots of sweets to share.
His aim to charm.
The bear from the farm
But he fancied the bear from the woods.
What? eh? -
RS
The
Very Mad Grandpa by Evan Newton (aged 9)
There once was
a very mad grandpa,
Who had a very fast sports car
So he sailed away,
For a year and a day,
When he came back he could play the guitar.
Loo
Dance by David George Williams
I was tap dancing
in the loo
When I suddenly turned blue
Then I definitely saw
A huge wild boar
Then I realized there were two
Busted
by Grace Herrity (aged 9)
They bounce
up and down with guitars
And drive in their posh sports cars
They sing on a high stage
And show lots of rage
Then dance to show their grandpas
My
Friend Amalee by Gemma Sharpe (aged 9)
I have a friend
named Amalee,
Who isn't part of my family,
She's got a really nice name,
And isn't insane,
She climbs lots of trees and likes me.
A
Big Fat Cat by Paul Jim Diviney (aged 9)
There once was
a big fat cat
Who always wore a red and white hat.
He got in to trouble,
Ran away on the double
And was caught by a big black rat
The
Moon by Rosie Balko (aged 9)
There was a
young man from the moon,
Who ate with a fork and a spoon,
He got terribly fat,
And squashed his hat,
Singing completely out of tune.
Dragons
by Jack Field (aged 9)
They have a
tail that's made of fire,
They have a tail they really admire,
They are very fierce,
They do not grow beards,
Every dragon is a really big liar.
My
Pet by Dominic Devlin (aged 9)
My pet is the
best pet you could meet
He has two spare detachable feet
He sailed the seven seas
And caught loads of fleas
He's really the best you could meet!
The
Old Lady by Daniel Scambler (aged 11)
There was an
old lady from Skye
Who baked a big apple pie.
The people went, "Wow!"
And the cows gave a bow
- only to hear it's a lie.
The
Old Man by Nathan McMillan-Roberts (aged 11)
There was an
old man from Stone
He tripped over and broke a bone.
His head went crack
As he fell on his back
And he let out a really loud groan!
The
Young Lady Called West by Stephen Ashbrooke (aged 11)
There was a
young lady called West
She was nothing, but only a pest.
She would talk to you all day,
But would not go away
So they all put her to a test!
There
Was a Young Man called Wayne by John Joseph O Mahony (aged 7)
There was a young man called Wayne
Who really was a most terrible pain
He sat on an ice cube
Which led to a tube
And now he thinks he's a train.
There
Was Once a Young Lady from Spain by Bethany Churcher (aged 7)
There was once
a young lady from Spain
Who used to complain and complain
She went on a ship
Unfortunately dropped her slip
And never found it again.
There Once Was a Lady from Spain by
Paige Johnson (aged 7)
There once was
a lady from Spain
Who thought she was going insane
She went on a ship
And lost her clip
Then she tried to fly like a plane.
Rosie by Aishah Lanzon (aged 6)
There was a
young lady called Rosie
Who really was rather nosey
She could not get away
So decided to stay
And said, 'How can I get cosy?'
There Was Once a Young Lady called Jayne
by Rebecca Treacher (aged 6)
There was once
a young lady called Jayne
Who usually was quite a pain
She got on a boat
She forget her coat
And then she got caught in the rain.
Limerick by Bob
Fitton (aged 9)
There once was a big silly clown
Who wanted to wear the king's crown
She went to the palace
And met lovely Alice
But ended up wearing her gown
Lost by Omar Khan
When I lost
my glasses, I felt very sad
When I lost my glasses, my parents were mad
It gave me quite a scare
So I looked everywhere
Till I found them on the nose of my Dad.
Poet
by Kerryanne Price (aged 16)
There was a
young poet from Nice
Who always had her piece
'Chocolate cake,' she said,
'Goes straight to my head,
It's also very "Nice" '
A Girl from Milngavie by Catherine Elderfield
There once was
a girl from Milngavie,
Who went home with a punch in the eye,
She told her Dad,
And he went mad,
So she to bed with a sigh.
I
enjoyed those limericks. Could I read them again please?
