The Winners who
made us laugh!!!
Each wins a copy of Gaby Morgan's new anthology...

Read Me and Laugh - A funny poem for every day of the year.
Poems chosen by Gaby Morgan.(Macmillan Children's Books) 365pp

A poem for every day of the year from the very best modern and classic poets. Some will raise a gentle smile while others will make you roar with laughter, but all should bring a little extra brightness to your day.

There were five winners - and here they are.
Your book should arrive in the next three weeks. If it doesn't - please e-mail the Poetry Zone at our usual address.

Be Yourself by Stella Macdonald (aged 17)

My Mum once gave me some advice:
Feed your slug and eat your rice,
Comb your hair and keep your 'elf
And always, always be yourself.
You'll feel really good inside
If you wear your horns with pride.
Keep your fangs and fuzzy ears,
Never mind the shrieks and jeers.
You'll be loved by very many,
If you show your green antennae,
Your monkey tail and purple nose,
Confidence, it always shows.
Preen your wings, your giraffe's neck,
Eat your teacher, what the heck.
Style your hair like a banana,
Bare your teeth like a piranha,
Take your eyeballs off the shelf
And always, always be yourself.

Spying on my Neighbour by Violet Macdonald (aged 11)

I've been spying on my neighbour for ages,
If he drives in or out I see,
It took me a year and a half to find out
My neighbour was spying on me.

Ways to Laugh by Devon Conrad (aged 11)

Ways to laugh on an instant messenger
LOL - laugh out loud
ROTFL - Rolling on the floor laughing
GLC - Giggling like crazy
LLTNT - Laughing like there's no tomorrow

Different laughs you may have -
Giggle
Snort
Belly laugh
Guffaw
Chuckle
Chortle

Stuff that may make you laugh -
Funny stuff
Silly stuff
Goofy stuff
Crazy stuff

The Clever Sheep by Molly Murnaghan (aged 7)

Hello I'm a sheep
My name is Fred
No one knows what goes on in my head
You may think I just eat all day
But actually I'm writing a play

It's a Secret! by Crystal Mendoza (aged 11)

Why would I tell you
That I pick my nose
When others are distracted?
Or that I sleep in the bathroom sometimes?
Come on!
Why would I tell you?
It's a secret.

I also wouldn't tell you
How I broke the world globe
In class.
And how my naughty finger
Pointed to Mary Jane.
I wouldn't tell you
I like to stick the tongue at Alison,
The most vicious person
Ever to walk this Earth.
I wouldn't tell
You all my secrets!
Puh-leese!
I'm too smart.

These were the RUNNERS-UP.
No prize but a big chortle and three giggles each.

What Grandma Does by Madeleine Smith (aged 10)

I bet you'd never believe me,
If I said what Grandma did,
She jumped off Mount Everest,
She acts like she's a kid!

I bet you'd never believe me,
If I said what Grandma's done,
She's contacted aliens,
And boogied on the sun!

I bet you'd never believe me,
If I said where Grandma's been,
She's had tea at Buckingham Palace
And giggled with the Queen!

I knew you wouldn't believe me,
I've not seen Gran, but it's true,
'cos my little brother told me
But he's not seen her too!

If It Was Me by Natalie Rose (aged 8)

If it was me at the bus stop
Would you still pick your nose?
If it was me in the picture
Would you still do the silliest pose?
If it was me at the party
Would you still rip up your rose?

If it was me at the library
Would you still do a play?
If it was me in the card
Would it still be your special day?
If it was me who loved you
Would you still shoo me away?

I know!
If it were me always
You would panic your cares away!

A Bloke's Smoke by Sarah-Lynn Robinson (aged 13)

There once was a happy young bloke.
One day he tried his first smoke.
To begin he was keen,
Sucked it in, turned bright green,
And fell to the ground as he choked.

Gob Sense by Daniel Neate

Break the fish with the curly-wurly hat
Reach for the balloon cos the bingo went splat.
Run to the fall and kick the sit down,
Freeze the pork and the plaice will see clown.

Chorus
Rich tomatoes smell, foreign skates,
Keep backwards, soap on the gates.
Fly, Fly, Fly

Over the plenty of spicy human tricks,
Fill the bridge wasting floating sticks.
After hash browns mention typical trains,
The chance floats before quietness exchanges brains.

Brown rice charges the waterfall,
Praise the elephant, the rich bag is school.
Pick placid rain under living chips,
Fluorescent ponds make toads in pips.

Chorus
Rich tomatoes smell, foreign skates,
Keep backwards, soap on the gates.
Fly, Fly, Fly

September Blues by Tanya Spence-Kelly (aged 12)

School has just started,
and the skies are grey,
no one is happy,
it's a new school day.

Though happy buddies
are running round,
and more ways are
being found...

to annoy the teachers!

And here are the best of the rest.
We had an enormous entry and so we're sorry if your poem hasn't made it. But a huge thank-you for entering!!! Watch out for a new competition soon.

An Average, Normal Day by Devon Conrad (aged 11)

Today...
The dog's head got stuck in the loo
Tonight's pork-roast dinner flew
My sister thought she was a cat
And she tried to eat a rat.

Today...
We had mud pie for brunch
We had worm spaghetti for lunch
The kitty ate the dog
And the birdie ate the hog.

Today...
It's just average.
Nothing happened
Out of the ordinary
And now I'm bored.

Haiku by Sarah Cunningham

Tart scent lifts my brow
I pause, reflect my harsh mug
The parking brake's on

Harold by Crystal Mendoza (aged 11)

Harold has an amazing eyesight.
He does my homework every single night.
My chores are his chores;
From doing chores, he never bores
And never does he bite.
What an amazing dog, right?

To Become a Genius by Eleanor Reader (aged 12)

Once there was a boy called Ned
He went to the doctor and the doctor said
"I see you want to become smart,
Oh 'tis such a difficult art.
Run around the room, reciting French
Do handstands and cartwheels along a bench
Scream and scream as loud as you can
And then you will become smart, young man!"
But Ned came back the very next day,
And said, to the doctors absolute dismay
"I have been kicked out from school.
My teacher thought I was playing the fool."
"I have a solution," the doctor said.
"Go outside with underwear on your head.
If that doesn't do the trick, I don't know what to say
You obviously did something the wrong way."
Alas! The next day Ned came back.
A decent IQ he still did lack
The doctor told him to put frogs in his shirt
And said, "With a stranger you should flirt"
Ned went away and never reappeared,
And that was the end of his sanity I fear!


The Planet Zike by Felicity Smith (aged 8)

My Mum and Dad are weird these days,
They're always going out,
They leave me with a baby sitter,
And she looks like a trout.

But then I found out where they go,
From the naughty parent website,
They leave the Earth, go past the sun
To the luxurious Planet Zike.

They turn into aliens,
With four huge scary eyes,
They have a tiny teacher,
Who tells them lots of lies.

There are chocolate bars everywhere,
No wonder they're so fat,
Sometimes they eat "kitty drops",
Which turns them into cats.

Maybe I should stop them,
Before it all goes wrong,
I really want my mum and dad,
Back home where they belong.

Hiccup Tragedy by Crystal Mendoza (aged 11)

Poor Jennifer.
Nobody has heard from her
Since the day of the Hiccup Tragedy.
This is how it happened:

It was a day like any day.
Jennifer was playing tag
When she had the hiccups,
Then it all changed.
You see, when someone has the hiccups
It's contagious. You can even die.
We thought it would end,
But it didn't.
She decided to hold her breath
For ten seconds.
Problem is, we were in preschool.
She wasn't the best counter.
Ten seconds ended up being a minute.
She turned purple
And fell. Flat on her face.

She hasn't come back.
Some say she's dead.
Some say she just forgot all of her memories
And is a vicious lunatic out in the woods.
I don't know where she is.
But every time someone has the hiccups
We let 'em suffer.
That's the best we can do.
Don't want anyone to die.

Limerick by Rosemary Moody (aged 9)

There once lived a dino named Rexy
Whose muscles were nowhere near flexy
So he jumped in a pool
And they bulged out real cool
Then the dinosaur said, "Hey! I'm sexy!"

Goodbye Gymnastics by Alysha Bhatti (aged 10)

My cartwheels are terrible
I cannot do them right
My summersaults are messy
My joints are too tight

Standing on my head,
I keep falling to the ground
It feels like I'm sitting
On the merry go round

Walking on a beam
Gives me dizzy spells
In my head go ringing
Thousands of bells

My balance is awful
I do not have a hope
How on earth will I
Ever walk on a rope

My rollovers are hopeless
And splits are pretty bad
And when this year is over
I will be very glad

I'll move over now
Leave gymnastics alone
Next year I'm getting
Into computer zone!

Diary by Celina Macdonald (aged 13)

I never keep a diary,
I'll think it stupid later,
The time I used a toothpick
To slay a fearsome 'gator.
And when I met an actor,
And was the leading lady,
In his upcoming movie,
The one that is called 'Shady'.
And then that other time
I met that big meatball…
Actually, I think I may
Keep a diary after all.

The Alien by Olivia Davies and Katie Stewart (aged 8)

The alien is funny,
He acts like a bunny,
He eats carrots,
But he talks like parrots.

Now he acts like a cat,
And is very fat,
In the future he will be a cow,
And he goes bow-wow.

My Grandad by Jack W. (aged 9)

My Grandad is funny,
He looks so chubby,
He likes to spend a lot of money.

He likes to dance,
He goes to France,
And has romance.

He's got a girl,
Who likes to twirl,
And has got a golden pearl.

The only problem is …
She likes to burp
But not to purp

It's My Birthday by Tanya Spence-Kelly (aged 12)

It's my birthday
but not that long!
I'm nearly 1?
no that's wrong!
I'm nearly 8?
No, that's not good,
I wouldn't want to be 8,
even if I could!
That's cool,
My calendar seems to say
"You'll be 12 next week!"
And I cannot wait!

Churning by Nathan Allen (aged 16)

As a child I always wanted to learn,
My mind was like milk in a wooden churn.
I started like all children in a primitive state,
and now I'm assured that I'm tasting great.

My What by Heather Bronson (aged 11)

On a bright sunny afternoon,
at my house all alone,
I saw a delivery truck pull up in my driveway,
and the delivery man came to my door,
with a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

I answered the door,
but I felt a little light,
I opened the box,
and it popped out!
MY GLUTOUS MAXAMUS!

My buttocks,
my bottom,
my butt if you will!
And it had a message for me,
"I want to be your friend!"

But,
I didn't like it,
it felt a little strange,
what next?
Is my head going to come in a box?

So,
my captains quarters decided,
that I was a mean old girl,
and started to cry,
that did it for me.

Then We hung out,
and we were friends,
we drank root beer,
and had a burping contest (he won of course! )
then went to see a movie.

But I still felt incomplete,
different.
So I sat my buns-of-steel down,
to ask him one more question,
He knew what was coming.

So he took a deep breath,
or maybe a sigh,
and we bid our sad goodbyes.
Then I bent over,
and my butt returned to me.

Take me back to the top, please